It seems like every foreigner in the area I live in has a family. I always see a mother and father cycling down the street with at least one kid with them. Whole families out to eat. Families shopping. Families families everywhere, and not one of them is mine. Not only does it make it make me homesick and sad seeing families together when I am alone, but it means its hard for me to make friends with other foreigners in the area. I can't walk up to a couple with a stroller and say "Hey! Cute kid! Wanna go get some drinks??"
There is a website called Shanghai Expat which is pretty useful. It has recommendations on which restaurants and stores to go to, events that are coming up, advice about what to do and what not to do while in Shanghai...etc. In a moment of loneliness and frustration, I made a quick post on the forum saying I was looking for people in JinQiao (the neighborhood I live in) to hang out with.
I started my post with "I am not looking for a boyfriend or a tutor or a job!" I wanted people to know that I honestly just wanted people to hang out with...no ulterior motive.
Well, I have gotten two responses so far. One was from a woman named Carol who invited me out to dinner and drinks last night with her and 4 other people. We went to a Thai restaurant near the school. I am a little unclear still as to who already knew each other and who was new (other than me). Carol and one of the guys was from Singapore. The other girl was from Canada, and the last two guys were from America (Ohio and South Carolina). I think I was the youngest person there, but everyone seemed relatively young and I had a good time. The woman from Canada lives SUPER close to me and invited us all over from lunch on Thursday. I may actually be able to go with my classes the way they are.
The other response I got was...get this...from someone from Connecticut! They are originally from Farmington and have been in Shanghai for a few months. They don't live in JinQiao, but they are only about 20 minutes away by bus. We'll probably try to get together soon.
At school, I still haven't hung out with the foreign teachers much. I still plan on trying to reach out to them . Maybe cook a nice big dinner (as well as I can with my kitchen) and invite them all over. I just feel like I am trying to dig my way into a group that is already set in it's ways.
With the Chinese teachers, June and Zeno invited me out for dinner on Monday night, but I already had those plans with Carol. June asked if I had plans for this weekend (we get monday off for the Mid-Autumn festival).When I told her no, she said that maybe me her and Xeno could go get some steamed dumplings. I said that we should go to a craft shop she mentioned to me earlier and they can pick out stuff they like and I could make them some jewelry. (She has liked all the jewelry that I made and brought with me)
So, that's my story. I am making an effort to make friends.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Monday, 8 September 2008
Emotions
My emotions are really starting to bug me. I can't seem to have an emotion lately without it being to an extreme.
I don't know if it's because I'm adjusting or everything is so new or it's just because I am stressed and tired, but I can't seem to just be OK.
I am either completely paranoid, wracked with worry, utterly depressed, beyond freaking out, aching with homesickness, super excited, or ecstatically happy. I can't seem to level out and just be ok or content. If you mapped my emotions for the past two weeks it would be a series of spikes and lows like a damn EKG or lie detector.
It's exhausting to live like this.
I don't know if it's because I'm adjusting or everything is so new or it's just because I am stressed and tired, but I can't seem to just be OK.
I am either completely paranoid, wracked with worry, utterly depressed, beyond freaking out, aching with homesickness, super excited, or ecstatically happy. I can't seem to level out and just be ok or content. If you mapped my emotions for the past two weeks it would be a series of spikes and lows like a damn EKG or lie detector.
It's exhausting to live like this.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
A Day in the Park
Yeesh! I miss a day or two because I'm very busy and important and SOME people start freaking out. Here I was thinking I was being boring by posting so often. Anyway, I have a lot to talk about so this entry will probably be much too long.
So first off, I ended up going to that play with Xeno and Jane, two Chinese teachers from my office. We got a bit lost on the way, but still got there early enough to get front row seats. I enjoyed the play and could understand a good amount of it. Xeno was trying to translate for me in the beginning, but I told her it was ok. I didn't want her to have to do that for the whole play and I wanted to try and figure it out for myself. It was about a married couple and their mothers. The man was from northern China and the girl was from Shanghai. The boy's mother was very traditional and frugal. She wanted the girl to help with the housework and wanted them to have children. The girls mother was very rich and high fashion. Everyone butted heads a lot. There were pieces of the play I understood perfectly. But then there were parts where I was completely lost and asked Xeno about afterwards. It was a fun evening. But Saturday was even better!
Guess what I found? NATURE!!!
This Saturday, Lucy invited me to hang out with a bunch of her friends. For a while it looked like it was going to be canceled because the weather has been bad recently, but it turned out to be a lovely day. We all met in front of the Science and Technology museum and walked a short walk to Century Park. Now I know where I can go if I need some nature. It's about a 20 minute bus ride away and I have to pay to get in, but hey. It's nature.
This is a picture of me and Lucy. I realized yesterday that other than relatives, I have been friends and kept in touch with her longer than anyone. Also, I am wearing the new bag that I bought in the sports store.
I can't remember everyone's name, but it was a LOT of fun. I am so glad I brought my camera. We had a ton of fun taking pictures. Mostly involving us jumping.
Here is everyone except WeiXi.
Here is everyone except Weixi doing various Olympic sport poses. I am doing a terrible job at portraying basketball.
This is everyone preparing to roll down the hill all together. I opted out since the ground was wet.
We walked around the park for a bit before sitting on plastic and newspaper in the grass and eating snacks. We ended up playing Mafia, and they were surprised I knew the game. I ended up being the judge. Then I taught everyone how to play "Never Have I Ever". They seemed to like it. After that was when we started taking a ton of pictures.
We walked around some more (Lucy and I were singing a lot as we walked around) until we got to the lake edge. Then there was some dancing and fooling around. One of the last things we did in the park was stand in a circle and took turns dancing in the middle.
After leaving the park, Lucy and Weixi left because they were tired, but the others invited me to go get hotpot for dinner. I was having such a good time that I went. After a little confusion about where to go, we got to the restaurant. This hot pot was different from the other times I've had hotpot. Instead of a bowl over fire or some coals, it was the bowl of spiced broth with the coals in a fluted bowl in the center.
One of the boys ran outside to get lamb barbecue as an appetizer, then the food and beer showed up and we started to eat. It was very good. We played a few drinking games. One was 007. You pointed at a person at the table and said "ling" (chinese for zero), then that person pointed to another and said "ling", then that person pointed to one more person and said "qi" (chinese for 7). THAT person was supposed to stay still and look composed while the two people next to them mimed jumping away. There was another similar game where you did the same thing except said "huai" "dao" and "quan" (meaning boat), and the last person pointed at was supposed to salute while the two people next to them mime rowing and say "heipa heipa heipa" (or something like that. I forget). And if anyone in the whole routine messes up, you have to drink. What got confusing was when you played both games at the same time. People couldn't remember if you were supposed to salute or just sit there or row or what. We also played "Never have I ever" as a drinking game for a while.
Another drinking game involved slapping the table and clapping (in the "we will rock you" rhythm). Each person had a move or gesture that represented them. One of the ones I used was the "i'm so adorable" fingers in your dimples face. You had to do your gesture, then do the gesture of someone else to pass it on, all the while not messing up the clapping or waiting too long to make a gesture. If no one was making a mistake it got faster and faster. During one very long round of the game that got impossibly fast, one girl ended up just pointing to the person she wanted to pass it to, completely forgetting to make a gesture. It was hilarious.
We also said what we would do if we had 5 million RMB (yuan). Everyone else said their answer in English for my sake. I ended up going last and I said my answer in Chinese. I said I would buy my parents a boat, then I would buy myself a car, then I would travel to England, Italy, and Australia. They all clapped and laughed.
All in all it was a really good day. They said I was invited whenever they decided to have another outing like that. I still miss people from home A LOT, but yesterday felt so normal. It was nice to just hang out and relax with some people.
I'm still frustrated when it comes to my Chinese. Everyone I was hanging out with yesterday had much better English than I do Chinese. I think my listening is getting a bit better because I'm surrounded with Chinese so often nowadays, but I'm still so nervous when it comes to speaking it. Ah well. Nothing better than practicing I suppose.
I'm still drudging through my letters. Still freaking out about classes even though things are going well so far. Still feel lonely when I'm in my apartment (which seems like way too often). Still can't imagine how I am going to be able to keep these kids learning for a whole year. Still feeling a bit overwhelmed. Still have a messed up sleep schedule....but yesterday was a good day. And if I keep having good days, then the hard things will seem easier.
Here is one last picture of Lucy and WeiXi jumping, just cuz I like it so much.
Much love,
Stephanie
So first off, I ended up going to that play with Xeno and Jane, two Chinese teachers from my office. We got a bit lost on the way, but still got there early enough to get front row seats. I enjoyed the play and could understand a good amount of it. Xeno was trying to translate for me in the beginning, but I told her it was ok. I didn't want her to have to do that for the whole play and I wanted to try and figure it out for myself. It was about a married couple and their mothers. The man was from northern China and the girl was from Shanghai. The boy's mother was very traditional and frugal. She wanted the girl to help with the housework and wanted them to have children. The girls mother was very rich and high fashion. Everyone butted heads a lot. There were pieces of the play I understood perfectly. But then there were parts where I was completely lost and asked Xeno about afterwards. It was a fun evening. But Saturday was even better!
Guess what I found? NATURE!!!
This Saturday, Lucy invited me to hang out with a bunch of her friends. For a while it looked like it was going to be canceled because the weather has been bad recently, but it turned out to be a lovely day. We all met in front of the Science and Technology museum and walked a short walk to Century Park. Now I know where I can go if I need some nature. It's about a 20 minute bus ride away and I have to pay to get in, but hey. It's nature.
This is a picture of me and Lucy. I realized yesterday that other than relatives, I have been friends and kept in touch with her longer than anyone. Also, I am wearing the new bag that I bought in the sports store.I can't remember everyone's name, but it was a LOT of fun. I am so glad I brought my camera. We had a ton of fun taking pictures. Mostly involving us jumping.
Here is everyone except WeiXi.
Here is everyone except Weixi doing various Olympic sport poses. I am doing a terrible job at portraying basketball.
This is everyone preparing to roll down the hill all together. I opted out since the ground was wet.We walked around the park for a bit before sitting on plastic and newspaper in the grass and eating snacks. We ended up playing Mafia, and they were surprised I knew the game. I ended up being the judge. Then I taught everyone how to play "Never Have I Ever". They seemed to like it. After that was when we started taking a ton of pictures.
We walked around some more (Lucy and I were singing a lot as we walked around) until we got to the lake edge. Then there was some dancing and fooling around. One of the last things we did in the park was stand in a circle and took turns dancing in the middle.
After leaving the park, Lucy and Weixi left because they were tired, but the others invited me to go get hotpot for dinner. I was having such a good time that I went. After a little confusion about where to go, we got to the restaurant. This hot pot was different from the other times I've had hotpot. Instead of a bowl over fire or some coals, it was the bowl of spiced broth with the coals in a fluted bowl in the center.
One of the boys ran outside to get lamb barbecue as an appetizer, then the food and beer showed up and we started to eat. It was very good. We played a few drinking games. One was 007. You pointed at a person at the table and said "ling" (chinese for zero), then that person pointed to another and said "ling", then that person pointed to one more person and said "qi" (chinese for 7). THAT person was supposed to stay still and look composed while the two people next to them mimed jumping away. There was another similar game where you did the same thing except said "huai" "dao" and "quan" (meaning boat), and the last person pointed at was supposed to salute while the two people next to them mime rowing and say "heipa heipa heipa" (or something like that. I forget). And if anyone in the whole routine messes up, you have to drink. What got confusing was when you played both games at the same time. People couldn't remember if you were supposed to salute or just sit there or row or what. We also played "Never have I ever" as a drinking game for a while.
Another drinking game involved slapping the table and clapping (in the "we will rock you" rhythm). Each person had a move or gesture that represented them. One of the ones I used was the "i'm so adorable" fingers in your dimples face. You had to do your gesture, then do the gesture of someone else to pass it on, all the while not messing up the clapping or waiting too long to make a gesture. If no one was making a mistake it got faster and faster. During one very long round of the game that got impossibly fast, one girl ended up just pointing to the person she wanted to pass it to, completely forgetting to make a gesture. It was hilarious.
We also said what we would do if we had 5 million RMB (yuan). Everyone else said their answer in English for my sake. I ended up going last and I said my answer in Chinese. I said I would buy my parents a boat, then I would buy myself a car, then I would travel to England, Italy, and Australia. They all clapped and laughed.
All in all it was a really good day. They said I was invited whenever they decided to have another outing like that. I still miss people from home A LOT, but yesterday felt so normal. It was nice to just hang out and relax with some people.
I'm still frustrated when it comes to my Chinese. Everyone I was hanging out with yesterday had much better English than I do Chinese. I think my listening is getting a bit better because I'm surrounded with Chinese so often nowadays, but I'm still so nervous when it comes to speaking it. Ah well. Nothing better than practicing I suppose.
I'm still drudging through my letters. Still freaking out about classes even though things are going well so far. Still feel lonely when I'm in my apartment (which seems like way too often). Still can't imagine how I am going to be able to keep these kids learning for a whole year. Still feeling a bit overwhelmed. Still have a messed up sleep schedule....but yesterday was a good day. And if I keep having good days, then the hard things will seem easier.
Here is one last picture of Lucy and WeiXi jumping, just cuz I like it so much.Much love,
Stephanie
Thursday, 4 September 2008
A Longer Update
So, I thought it would be a good idea to have my students write me an introduction letter and then I would write a letter back to each of them. Anyone see a problem with this plan?
....did I mention I have 62 students total? Yep. That means I have to write 62 letters. I am about halfway through writing them at this point. I need to have 3/4 of them done by Monday, but the other 1/4 can wait until Wednesday.
I am worried because my students are behaving so well. Randy says after 5 weeks of being angels they will go crazy. Is that supposed to make me feel better? It is truly scary to stand in front of 15-31 students and teach. I feel so outnumbered. I feel like I'm going to run out of ideas very quickly on what to teach them. When I think of how much responsibilities I have in front of me, I feel a little ill.
In the letters they have written to me, there have been some really nice comments. One girl said she loved my smile. Many students have said that I seem fun and they like my class. Again, I don't know if this is them sucking up or what. I hope they believe what they write. I have been writing down some important things about each student from their letters. I hope that way I will show them that I think of them as individuals and not just one class. I also hope that by respecting them, they will respect me. I also sneakily put my birthday in my introduction letter as a way to make them think of putting their birthday in theirs. Most of them wrote it and now I know many of their birthdays. :-)
I forget if I told anyone other than my parents, but I was upset because the website I was using to watch episodes of Doogie Howser doesn't work here in China. I was so upset. On Tuesday when I was walking back from the Blue Frog with Stephanie and Charlotte, Stephanie stopped to look at some DVDs. You would not believe what was on the top of the pile. Doogie Howser! All four seasons! The quality isn't amazing but it was SUPER CHEAP. Now I can get my Doogie Howser fix.
I have been here for about two weeks now and I haven't done laundry once. I should really do it tonight. Randy said that on Thursdays some of the foreign teachers like to go to his apartment to play poker. I don't really like poker, but it would be a way to get me out of my apartment and being social.
This friday a lot of the Chinese teachers are going to a play. They gave me a ticket and said I should come. The play is entirely in Chinese. Of course I want to be social and go because they are being so nice to invite me, but I worry about being annoyed or bored at a play that I can only understand about half of.
I've started to get a blister on the middle finger of my right hand. I was trying to figure out why because when I write the pen rubs on my ring finger. Then today I figured out why. 1. When I write on the board with chalk, it hits that finger and 2. When I use chopsticks it rubs against that finger. Oh well!
Sorry that I haven't posted pictures in a while. The batteries in my camera died. I can't plug my battery charger in here, and I haven't gotten around to getting new batteries yet.
Anyway, I have class in a few minutes. My last class of the day. This is the class where I do accents from all over the US. The other 3 classes loved it. Wish me luck.
I am going to end this post by saying thank goodness for my years of Improv teaching me to be quick on my feet and for CIBA for making me get used to speaking in front of a crowd. I don't know if I could do this job otherwise.
Much love everyone,
Stephanie
....did I mention I have 62 students total? Yep. That means I have to write 62 letters. I am about halfway through writing them at this point. I need to have 3/4 of them done by Monday, but the other 1/4 can wait until Wednesday.
I am worried because my students are behaving so well. Randy says after 5 weeks of being angels they will go crazy. Is that supposed to make me feel better? It is truly scary to stand in front of 15-31 students and teach. I feel so outnumbered. I feel like I'm going to run out of ideas very quickly on what to teach them. When I think of how much responsibilities I have in front of me, I feel a little ill.
In the letters they have written to me, there have been some really nice comments. One girl said she loved my smile. Many students have said that I seem fun and they like my class. Again, I don't know if this is them sucking up or what. I hope they believe what they write. I have been writing down some important things about each student from their letters. I hope that way I will show them that I think of them as individuals and not just one class. I also hope that by respecting them, they will respect me. I also sneakily put my birthday in my introduction letter as a way to make them think of putting their birthday in theirs. Most of them wrote it and now I know many of their birthdays. :-)
I forget if I told anyone other than my parents, but I was upset because the website I was using to watch episodes of Doogie Howser doesn't work here in China. I was so upset. On Tuesday when I was walking back from the Blue Frog with Stephanie and Charlotte, Stephanie stopped to look at some DVDs. You would not believe what was on the top of the pile. Doogie Howser! All four seasons! The quality isn't amazing but it was SUPER CHEAP. Now I can get my Doogie Howser fix.
I have been here for about two weeks now and I haven't done laundry once. I should really do it tonight. Randy said that on Thursdays some of the foreign teachers like to go to his apartment to play poker. I don't really like poker, but it would be a way to get me out of my apartment and being social.
This friday a lot of the Chinese teachers are going to a play. They gave me a ticket and said I should come. The play is entirely in Chinese. Of course I want to be social and go because they are being so nice to invite me, but I worry about being annoyed or bored at a play that I can only understand about half of.
I've started to get a blister on the middle finger of my right hand. I was trying to figure out why because when I write the pen rubs on my ring finger. Then today I figured out why. 1. When I write on the board with chalk, it hits that finger and 2. When I use chopsticks it rubs against that finger. Oh well!
Sorry that I haven't posted pictures in a while. The batteries in my camera died. I can't plug my battery charger in here, and I haven't gotten around to getting new batteries yet.
Anyway, I have class in a few minutes. My last class of the day. This is the class where I do accents from all over the US. The other 3 classes loved it. Wish me luck.
I am going to end this post by saying thank goodness for my years of Improv teaching me to be quick on my feet and for CIBA for making me get used to speaking in front of a crowd. I don't know if I could do this job otherwise.
Much love everyone,
Stephanie
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Day Three
An excerpt from my one of my students introduction letters:
"Today's lesson which you taught us is very interesting, it's not like the other foreign teachers. I feel so relaxed that it makes me have more confidence to say something."
What more could I ask for?
"Today's lesson which you taught us is very interesting, it's not like the other foreign teachers. I feel so relaxed that it makes me have more confidence to say something."
What more could I ask for?
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Second Day: Going Better So Far
Yesterday was so bad. I was freaking out in my apartment. I tried to distract myself by watching a movie, but all I had was "The Kite Runner". A Chinese teacher lent it to me. Good movie, but it made me even more depressed. I walked down the hall to talk to Stephanie just to get out of my room and out of my head.
She was very nice and very considerate, but other than that, she couldn't help me much at the time. She told me that she was really depressed her first semester, which didn't make me feel better. She couldn't tell me much about teaching at the high school since she teaches primary. She offered to hang out and watch a movie or go out to eat or something, but I was in state to be social. She did, though, send me a text message today to check up on me, which I really appreciate. Me, her, Charlotte and maybe some other teachers are going to the Blue Frog after work to hang out.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. This morning I hate half of a peanut butter sandwich and felt like I was going to throw up. I had some tea, which made me feel a little better. I really hope that once I get into a routine, I'll feel less freaked out about each day. And I hope I start sleeping better. Getting barely any sleep or no sleep at all is starting to drive me insane.
When I walked in the office today I was afraid someone was going to be like, "Where the heck did you go yesterday?" But no one seemed to notice that I had left early. Either that or the Chinese belief in "face" is saving me from an uncomfortable confrontation. As for my classes today, the first one went very well. The second class (which was with the same group of students that was in my horrific last class yesterday) went ok. They were still pretty quiet, but I did what I could to get them to talk. They loosened up a bit and laughed when I demonstrated different American accents (southern, boston, new york, etc). And when we talked about brainstorming I tried to get really excited about every answer they gave me, which made more of them talk.
One thing that made me feel better was the letters. Most of my first class today already handed in their introduction letters (only one student from the second class had finished hers). And most of them made a reference to how much they were looking forward to my class, or that they liked the way I taught already. One student talked in length about how he agrees with me that language learning happens best in a relaxed environment and that he was so happy to hear a teacher say that for the first time. I don't know if any of what they wrote is just them trying to suck up to the teacher or if they actually believe what they wrote, but it was very encouraging to read.
I think one of the things I need to work on most is having enough prepared for class. I don't want to ever run out and have to look at a sea of silent faces again. It's nice that I have to teach the same thing 4 times. True, it gets repetitive, but after doing it once I have a better idea what works and what doesn't. How much time each thing takes. Etc etc...
I choose this job over the other offers I had in different cities or different schools or even over a job at the primary section of THIS school because I love the IB program and the type of students it attracted in my high school. It's frustrating to get here and find out that a lot of these kids are here because their parents forced them to and they would rather be somewhere else.
Anyway, I hope this isn't depressing to read. But things are going better today. I'm doing what I can. I feel like I am trying to get through a dark tunnel or climb a huge mountain. I can't imagine being able to do the whole thing, but looking at it piece by piece is making it easier to manage.
She was very nice and very considerate, but other than that, she couldn't help me much at the time. She told me that she was really depressed her first semester, which didn't make me feel better. She couldn't tell me much about teaching at the high school since she teaches primary. She offered to hang out and watch a movie or go out to eat or something, but I was in state to be social. She did, though, send me a text message today to check up on me, which I really appreciate. Me, her, Charlotte and maybe some other teachers are going to the Blue Frog after work to hang out.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. This morning I hate half of a peanut butter sandwich and felt like I was going to throw up. I had some tea, which made me feel a little better. I really hope that once I get into a routine, I'll feel less freaked out about each day. And I hope I start sleeping better. Getting barely any sleep or no sleep at all is starting to drive me insane.
When I walked in the office today I was afraid someone was going to be like, "Where the heck did you go yesterday?" But no one seemed to notice that I had left early. Either that or the Chinese belief in "face" is saving me from an uncomfortable confrontation. As for my classes today, the first one went very well. The second class (which was with the same group of students that was in my horrific last class yesterday) went ok. They were still pretty quiet, but I did what I could to get them to talk. They loosened up a bit and laughed when I demonstrated different American accents (southern, boston, new york, etc). And when we talked about brainstorming I tried to get really excited about every answer they gave me, which made more of them talk.
One thing that made me feel better was the letters. Most of my first class today already handed in their introduction letters (only one student from the second class had finished hers). And most of them made a reference to how much they were looking forward to my class, or that they liked the way I taught already. One student talked in length about how he agrees with me that language learning happens best in a relaxed environment and that he was so happy to hear a teacher say that for the first time. I don't know if any of what they wrote is just them trying to suck up to the teacher or if they actually believe what they wrote, but it was very encouraging to read.
I think one of the things I need to work on most is having enough prepared for class. I don't want to ever run out and have to look at a sea of silent faces again. It's nice that I have to teach the same thing 4 times. True, it gets repetitive, but after doing it once I have a better idea what works and what doesn't. How much time each thing takes. Etc etc...
I choose this job over the other offers I had in different cities or different schools or even over a job at the primary section of THIS school because I love the IB program and the type of students it attracted in my high school. It's frustrating to get here and find out that a lot of these kids are here because their parents forced them to and they would rather be somewhere else.
Anyway, I hope this isn't depressing to read. But things are going better today. I'm doing what I can. I feel like I am trying to get through a dark tunnel or climb a huge mountain. I can't imagine being able to do the whole thing, but looking at it piece by piece is making it easier to manage.
Monday, 1 September 2008
First Day
Well, today went from good to horrible.
I am probably overreacting because I am so stressed out, but I feel really panicky and nervous right now.
The opening flag ceremony was short and relatively interesting. The principle talked for a while and I didn't understand much of it. Then the new teachers introduced themselves. I mentioned graduating from an IB high school and that I was looking forward to being their teacher and friend.
My first class went really well. I ran out of stuff that I had planned only halfway through the class, but then we had a good discussion. The class asked me a lot of questions about me, and I asked them questions.
My second class went ok. I ran out of stuff again and was hoping to have another discussion. They asked me some weird questions like what sort of alcohol I liked to drink, so i tried to steer the conversation away from that. Only about 3 students were talking and the rest were quiet.
My last class for the day went horrible. It started out fine, but when I again tried to start a discussion, they just sat there. After a little while I asked if they were asleep. When one girl said yes, I asked them all to stand up and do 5 jumping jacks. Some did half assed jumps, some just waved their arms, and some just stared at me. I waited for most to move at least a little and then I told them they could sit down again. I tried again to get them to talk, but I got the same response. So I told them to start their homework, packed up my stuff and left.
Thinking back, I should have asked them to start their homework and then gone around to talk to them one by one quietly. But I just panicked. I couldn't stand being in the room anymore with them just staring at me. And now I am freaked out about going back tomorrow. I feel physically sick.
I am probably making this sound much worse than it is, but I feel terrible right now. I hope things get better soon. I wish I had someone from home to talk to and hug me and make me feel better.
I can't give up. If I fail at this, the only thing I will ever think of in the future when faced with a new problem is how I gave up. So I need to keep fighting and get through this. Some how.
I am probably overreacting because I am so stressed out, but I feel really panicky and nervous right now.
The opening flag ceremony was short and relatively interesting. The principle talked for a while and I didn't understand much of it. Then the new teachers introduced themselves. I mentioned graduating from an IB high school and that I was looking forward to being their teacher and friend.
My first class went really well. I ran out of stuff that I had planned only halfway through the class, but then we had a good discussion. The class asked me a lot of questions about me, and I asked them questions.
My second class went ok. I ran out of stuff again and was hoping to have another discussion. They asked me some weird questions like what sort of alcohol I liked to drink, so i tried to steer the conversation away from that. Only about 3 students were talking and the rest were quiet.
My last class for the day went horrible. It started out fine, but when I again tried to start a discussion, they just sat there. After a little while I asked if they were asleep. When one girl said yes, I asked them all to stand up and do 5 jumping jacks. Some did half assed jumps, some just waved their arms, and some just stared at me. I waited for most to move at least a little and then I told them they could sit down again. I tried again to get them to talk, but I got the same response. So I told them to start their homework, packed up my stuff and left.
Thinking back, I should have asked them to start their homework and then gone around to talk to them one by one quietly. But I just panicked. I couldn't stand being in the room anymore with them just staring at me. And now I am freaked out about going back tomorrow. I feel physically sick.
I am probably making this sound much worse than it is, but I feel terrible right now. I hope things get better soon. I wish I had someone from home to talk to and hug me and make me feel better.
I can't give up. If I fail at this, the only thing I will ever think of in the future when faced with a new problem is how I gave up. So I need to keep fighting and get through this. Some how.
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